Fromage -The Queen's Captive Part 3

Thursday, 27 October 2011

The Queen's Captive Chapters 13-19 Recap and Review

It is now some months later from where we left off last time and -wait what? no nursing back to health scenes? no secret sex having? no longing looks and wound cleaning? That's right, there are none. Note to Barbara Kyle--need to read more cheesy books, even Beauty and the Beast had a wound cleaning scene and that movie was for children! Anyway, it is now sometime in 1555 and Honor and her hubby, Richard, are strolling around town, while merry scenes of life in England pass them by. The dialogue is hilarious. It is all "shall we sup tonight?" "why yes, I love supping. Don't you? Godspeed. Some foul weather we're having!" Anyway, we know something bad is about to happen because people just don't go strolling around while boys toss bread about (this actually happens) without something bad happening. They go to see their good friend, George, only to find that he has been arrested and is about to be burned at the stake. They  do absolutely nothing about it but go off to see his burning-because who doesn't want to see their lifelong friends burned at the stake? Honor has flashbacks of the time she was nearly burned at the stake when suddenly-what ho! some hooligans try to rescue poor George but their attempts fail miserably and he dies. Honor mopes around for some time and then goes off to see the Queen again to report on Princess Elizabeth. There she encounters the evil Grenvilles who are all-"she's not Catholic. She's a TRAITOR." It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure THAT one out as Honor has done the poorest job ever of concealing her allegiances. Frances Grenville comes to the rescue though-even though she got some secrets from some crispy old priest about Honor's Wicked Ways- because she still has secret plans of the sex having with Adam. Honestly, this is the most boring sub-plot EVER. Meanwhile, in the House of Commons Richard is trying to get some law passed that would mean they aren't exiles anymore. These chapters are so dull, I think Barbara Kyle just transcribed some event from the Canadian House of Commons. Honor does not, as such, want to be burned at the stake AGAIN so she gets Richard and packs her trunks and make plans to hightail it out of there. Richard thinks running away is from losers so he decides to say to which Honor says "don't let the door hit you on your way out" and he is all "fine!" and then they go to divorce court and she gets the dog and he gets the house.

Meanwhile, Adam has gone to visit Elizabeth to brag about his 'big boat'. She is all, "uh I have no time for this peasant" and he is confused, once again. He has so far spent most of this book being confused and growing beards. He gets her to come talk to him and she is a pouty baby about it but eventually does it. She tells him that she has heard he is about to marry Frances. Oh, Frances, this is not how you lure a man! Anyway, Adam tells her, he is not marrying Frances and Elizabeth gets all husky voiced and says "show it to me". Adam is thinking to himself, what? right now? but we haven't even held hands yet? I was thinking-gosh she must be really into big boats if she wants to see his boat plans THAT bad. But no, she wants to see his scar from when he was shot. He takes his shirt off and she fingers his scar. I have never read a book with so much scar fingering in my life. He gets all turned on and they make out and she feels his 'hardness' and is surprised. What? Maybe they didn't have sex ed back then. Their make out session is interrupted by Honor informing them that Richard has been arrested. Adam and Honor do what any sensible people with a lot of contacts would do. They rally troops, raid the Queen's treasury and prepare for battle.  Princess Elizabeth throws a lot of temper tantrums but then changes her mind when she gets scared that she will "mayhap be dispatched to the scaffold". Honor tells her that she a whiny baby but then they remember their latin speaking bond and become friends again. The Queen surrounds Elizabeth's residence with guards and Honor has to sneak out with a load of money. They should really have invented notes by then. So off she goes carrying her weight in coins and dressed like a washing lady. She escapes the guards only to be busted by John Grenville, the dullest, scar fingering, villain of all time, who isn't fooled by her disguise. He stabs her and all the coins fall out of her costume and....that is all for this time!

Picture from michellerichmond.com